Reiki and Grief

Grief impacts everyone in numerous ways, whether it's through the loss of a cherished pet, the passing of a loved one, the conclusion of a relationship, or the sorrow arising from an illness that disrupts daily life, among all sorts of other situations.

I would like to share my personal experience of how reiki is helping me in dealing with the loss of my Dad recently, along with some background on our relationship that added complexity to the grief I have felt and continue to feel. I believe this will resonate with you on some level.

Devon 2024

Background

Dad was always a loving and supportive father, yet he was demanding and held such high expectations of life that he lived in a constant state of disappointment. This significantly affected me over the years—being the firstborn and a daughter, societal expectations of that role also heavily influenced our relationship. My parents divorced when I was 13, and he never found anyone he wanted to build a future with, so he lived alone for over 40 years. I became his 'go-to' whenever he felt lonely, unwell, unhappy, or simply bored . As a result, my tendency to 'people-please' intensified, and when I couldn't respond the way he wanted, he projected his dissatisfaction onto me. I felt that he placed a lot of mental pressure on me. Of course, he was unaware of this, and I lacked the capacity to address it directly with him (though therapy somewhat helped me with that).

After Dad passed away, I heard numerous stories from more distant family members, ex-colleagues, friends, and neighbours, all of whom painted a picture of Dad as kind, happy, funny, and incredibly proud of his kids. I was left wondering who this man was, and while going through his papers, I discovered many memories and photos of him as a child—a very skinny kid who was often told he looked unwell (he had lifelong health anxiety - not a surprise really...). He had a Victorian father who didn't really want this second family, already having grown up children when he married my Nan, who was considerably younger than he was. A picture began to emerge of a child who felt unloved and harshly treated by his father, and a mother who imposed strict messages about chastity and purity, giving him unrealistic expectations of future relationships. Looking back, I can see that Dad was affected by childhood trauma and wasn't provided with any guidance or tools for adulthood. So he did his best. And he really did do his best.

About me!

This all means that the feelings I've had towards Dad throughout my life were a reflection of the feelings he experienced growing up. It's a cycle of generational patterns repeating. I've worked extensively on forgiveness—both towards him and myself. I began this journey the week before he passed, and on his final evening, I was able to offer him unconditional comfort and calm him during his end of life agitation.

I don't want this to imply that I didn't love Dad; of course, I did, but he didn't make it easy. I knew he was very proud of me for venturing into the world of reiki, setting up my business and for all the effort I put into making it a reality, including the manual work for the healing pod. He rarely expressed pride (perhaps because no one ever told him they were proud of him...), but he did on this occasion, and I will always cherish that. You know what, despite - or maybe because - of all this, I am proud of my Dad for upholding his principles and for everything he achieved despite his limitations and somewhat abrasive way of dealing with things.

How has reiki helped?

So how does Reiki fit into this? I've ensured that I continue practicing self-reiki. Although I may have neglected proper eating, stopped exercising, and started sleeping poorly, I was confident that Reiki would sustain me and help me navigate through all this upheaval. And it truly has. I can't say that I was dedicated to a daily practice in the early weeks after he passed, far from it, but that was ok. I knew reiki was there for me. Through reiki I knew to be kind to myself and go with how I was feeling and not put any pressure on.

Practicing self-reiki allowed me to connect with myself and dedicate time to my well-being. Some sessions were incredibly peaceful and restful, and even though I wasn't sleeping well, they left me with that wonderful refreshed feeling typical after a reiki session. However, not every session was like that. Sometimes, I had to stop. There were moments when I cried so intensely it was painful. Reiki encouraged me to listen to my mind and body, to cry as much as I needed, to curl up and express my emotions, whatever felt right at that moment. Reiki has given me permission to be vulnerable and prioritize myself—not in a negative way, but by allowing me to cancel plans when I was drained or couldn't face others, to rest and recharge, and to sleep all day if needed.

Reiki provides profound support. It's gentle yet strong. It has helped me stay in touch with my true self. It has given me the grace to heal in the most suitable way for me.

Although I understand that recovering from such intense grief will take time, having reiki as a fundamental part of my life makes me feel capable of facing the world, improving my diet, returning to yoga, appreciating small joys, having fun, and enjoying life.

How can it help you?

Reiki intuitively addresses any physical or emotional imbalances, gently restoring balance, improving sleep, reducing anxiety, calming the mind, and providing a compassionate approach to addressing your needs. A single session might be sufficient to help you regain your footing, or you might choose to make reiki a regular part of your self-care routine to maintain balance amidst life's challenges. You deserve to prioritise your self-care and experience the incredible healing reiki can offer. I would love to help you with your own journey.